Common Feelings for Grieving Teens

Disbelief    shock          astonishment     alone    alarm    awkward          embarrassed     anxious fearful               scared            irritated anger    envious numb    cold      weird    apprehensive    isolated lonely   confused           frustrated                      eager    relieved            hopeful assured             happy   glad      energetic           stupid   unorganized      resentful                        strange overwhelmed

Anger
Anger is a normal feeling for everyone. Teens feel and express anger after a death. Teens may be angry at the person who died, or someone else, or God, or the entire
World, or just how unfair that this death occurred now.

Frustration
Frustration often resembles anger for a teen because they tend to express it in the same way. Teens suddenly may have many unexpected changes for their life: their relationships with a parent, an over protective parent, not saying goodbye, grades fall, peers make fun or tease, questions go unanswered, family finances change and many unanswered questions remain

Anxiety
Feeling anxious, worried and off balance may happen to many teens after they experience a death. These feelings are typical after significant changes in ones life.

Guilt
Teens may be tormented by thoughts of not doing something to prevent the death. Or maybe if they would have done something, it may not have happened. Over time, teens may come to better understand the death. Teens may feel guilty for not spending time or for not giving more attention to the person who died.  They may remember that their last words with the person didn’t feel good and wish that they could change these words.

Isolation
Many teens feel isolated from their friends after a death. They feel that no one understands what they are going through. Teens may not talk about it with each other and therefore don’t know of other friends who may have similar experiences. Teens don’t like to feel different or disconnected so they tend to be quiet about their experience.

Relief
It is common for teens whose person was chronically ill or an abusive person to feel a sense of relief. The painful or embarrassing experience has ended and therefore brings relief or an end to the experience or action. Relief is a normal reaction for the teen.

Revenge and Rage
In some circumstances, teens may be responding to the circumstances surrounding the death. Revenge and rage may be directed at the perpetrator, the person who died or others. A death that doesn’t seem justified such as suicide or murder may provoke strong feelings for a teen. Another example would be a death that was caused by someone who chose not to take their medications, smoked, drank or failed to get needed medical attention.

Sadness
Most teens feel sad about the death and changes that happen with the death. Sometimes this sadness may last a long time. Teens may identify so closely with the person who died that they consider it disloyal to feel differently. Teens may feel that letting go of sadness may mean that they will forget the person who died.

Safe ways to express and cope with these feelings
-Participate in sports and athletic activities.
-Box a punching bag or pound a pillow.
-Express feelings and thoughts though writing or art or creating words for a familiar tune.
-Yell or scream in a safe place.
-Create with clay or play dough.
-Make small steps to help make homework or projects manageable.
-Relax with activities like deep breathing, yoga, listen to soothing music or meditate.
-Find a person to “listen” and give quiet acceptance to your feeling.
-Learn the facts or have someone explain the facts surrounding the death.
-Learn to forgive yourself and create a special remembrance.
-Get some exercise and sun.
-Eat healthy and drink water.
-Learn that grief is expressed by many feelings.