The Grieving Child

A child’s experience of grief is different than an adult’s in many ways. Children can move in and out of their grief. They may be crying one minute, than laughing the next. Although this may seem confusing, children can handle only so much pain. Children may not typically talk about their feelings, thoughts or experiences but instead act them out during their play and other activities. Children communicate many feelings through their behavior. Children try to understand their world through play. When they paint or draw, put on puppet shows, dress up or play in the sand, they are attempting to make sense of their feelings, thoughts and experiences.

Sometimes children experience pain through physical reactions. Children may not be able to fall asleep, become restless, have stomachaches or headaches, experience nightmares, start daydreaming or start bedwetting etc. These are a child’s normal responses to a painful situation.

Sometimes children experience difficulties thinking or concentrating. They can’t complete school assignments or projects. They have difficulty paying attention. Children are attempting to understand the changes that are happening since the death. For a child, school and home are different. Children may suddenly strive for perfection, to gain approval or they may not have the energy to even keep up and their grades go down.

Children have different capabilities for understanding a death. Behaviors may look different for different children. Some children become withdrawn and want to be alone. Other children may become aggressive and act out their feelings like anger or frustration. Some children may be very good and take on a parental role, trying to fill the place of the person who died. As children grow, they will again search to understand their feelings, thoughts and experience. Grief never ends, but it does change.

Grief is a natural reaction to a death.
Each teen’s experience is unique.
There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve.
Every death is unique and is experienced differently.
Grief never ends, but it does change.